New Contest!

Posted: November 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

Okay, so some of you may know by now that I have some pretty exciting news. I’ve hinted about it on my Facebook page, and on my Twitter. And then I realized I haven’t been posting to my blog lately, so here I am. On the plus side, coming to my blog made me realize I really need to update it. I think I will do that this week.

I bet you think I am going to tell you what my news is, right? Wrong. I can’t yet. At this point I am waiting for the ink. But soon. I promise.

The waiting is so damn hard, though. It’s so bad that I have already written the blog post that will spill the beans. In fact, I wrote it last week. Ugh! You’d think I would be used to all this waiting by now, but I’m not.

So why am I posting here today? Well, I’ve decided to have a contest. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, and really, it’s past time I dug back into the blog. So today’s contest is all about my news. The prize is a signed copy of 33 A.D. and a $10 e-gift card to Amazon.

What is my exciting news? That is your question. To enter the contest, simply post your guess into the comments below. But there’s a catch: I am not looking for correct guesses. What I want is for you to post some wild, off the wall guess as to what my news could be. Am I announcing that I am actually an alien involved in a love triangle with Selma Hayek and Quiznot Brzzzip? Maybe I am finally coming clean that all my books were actually beamed into my brain by Mark Zuckerberg as part of his next social media project, BrainBook. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m a megalomaniac ghost living in the internet with the intent to enslave all mankind byte by byte using pictures of cats and food that are secretly coded with subliminal messages of obedience.

Make it weird. Make it off the wall. Make it goofy. In other words, have fun with it! I will select a winner next week and post their name on this page. I hope to be able to announce my news at that time, as well. Fingers crossed.

  1. Billy Tillson says:

    Whilst researching your family tree you found that you are actually 93rd in line to the Spanish throne. So after the ink has dried on your ‘contracts’ you will be assuming all duties associated with your new title. His Majesty The King

  2. Brandy M. McLemore says:

    You kept seeing that image you used for the cover of 33 A.D. everywhere. in newspapers, magazines, cereal boxes, middle school yearbooks, Christmas wrapping paper…. It has slowly driven you insane. That image begins to haunt your dreams. You wake in cold sweats with that picture stamped in your third eye vision….like looking at the sun then closing your eyes. It’s still there….taking it’s time in fading out. You start doodling it constantly. On note pads, blank pages of your wife’s cookbooks, the coloring mats your kid gets from restaurants. At one point, as you were drawing it on your paper plate with meat juice, you notice your family staring at you the way Richard Dreyfuss’ family was looking at him in Close Encounters of the Third Kind as he built the Devil’s Tower out of potatoes. You decide to begin a long quest to find where that image came from. You spent hours surfing the net and going to libraries hoping finding the source would bring you some sort of peace. You felt you were close when you found information on an aging artist from Turkey that babbled about the “Peking Demon”… You buy a plane ticket and update your passport. As you were laying in bed, somewhat relieved that you might just be coming to the end of this craziness…. a strange thought hit you. Your plane ticket was for 11/12/13. You grinned at the mild amusement…then took out your ticket and looked at the departure time. 9:10am…….. 10+11+12= 33! You look up at your mini blinds and see the demon bending down the blinds in the middle and hear it cackle! It’s putrid, rotting body slithers in pointing and laughing. You were totally frozen in fear. It stops cold, lowers the hand pointing at your heart and croaks out, “You could save 15% or more by switching to Geico”. Thus, that’s your good news. You now have a lower car insurance bill. Yay David!!!

  3. Jamie Andrews says:

    At first I was thinking that you were announcing that you were going to quit writing and pursue your lifelong dream of being a vampire drag queen on Broadway but that was too obvious. Perhaps you are going to announce that you have just wrapped up negotiations to be the new spokesman for the Hair Club for Men. My dog seems to think that you are re-releasing NASTY LITTLE F!#*ERS with Mylee Cyrus twerking on the cover. The more that I think about it, I don’t think there really is an announcement. I bet that this is all part of some elaborate plot to get new ideas for future stories. Well played David, well played.

  4. angelbaby82 says:

    You have been bitten by a zombie and you are now eating the brains of other writers to take out the competition. You have found a way to get their ideas when you eat their brains. All you need now is some volunteers with ideas to come over and “Claim” their gift…. HAHAHA (Insert Evil Laugh) 🙂

  5. Danny says:

    Your father was a teen in 1955. Being an atheist in the 50s was tough and he was always trying to prove his beliefs. Your father was friends with Biff Tanner and when he returned with the Delorean (after giving his future self the “Grey’s Sports Almanac”). Your father went back in time to discover the truth about Christ. He returned to 1955 and later in life your father told you the histories and you decided to put them down to spread the truth.

  6. angelbaby82 says:

    My first comment disappeared I will have to retype everything and post again. I hope I can remember everything I wrote…. 😦

  7. Marie Constantinescu says:

    Your great great great great great great great great great great great… great… great… Grandfather was a bastard son of Vlad Tepes III. Your long lost family has avoided contacting you up to this time because they needed more people to write terrifying books on historical people about Vampires because… let’s face it… vampires have become sparkling pedophiles. They have been counting on you to reaffirm that vampires don’t fall in love with sixteen year old girls and sparkle like fairies. Now that you’ve established some ground with your books, they’ve decided to announce your lineage… which needs no reward because that’s just awesome. You’ll probably get a castle and you can change your name to David the Impaler.

  8. Bill Landers says:

    Sorry folks, but I have the inside information:
    You are a transvestite who goes by the name Luscious Von Shtupp. You served some time in prison after a botched attempt to kidnap Rush Limbaugh and keep him as a sex slave. During your time in jail you wrote your books in a effort to keep “that sexy man” out of your head. After your release you provided information to the authorities about a torrid night you spent with Bea Arthur, 2 goats and a midget. Due to Bea’s connections with the Amish Mafia, you were placed into witness protection. But, now, the Fed’s believe that enough time has passed since Bea died and have agreed to take you out of Witness Protect, in order to follow your true dream of writing a series of coffee table books titled “The Exciting World Of Underwater Basket Weaving”, under your “real” name, Luscious.

  9. mcafeeland says:

    Ha! These are great! Keep ’em coming, folks!

  10. barrybarretta says:

    You are really the weird dude with the even weirder hair from The Acient Aliens show.

  11. You really are George RR Martin in an old-man-with-beard suit and the reason you haven’t finished Winds of Winter is because you’ve been writing these wonderful Bachiyr books. That’s it, isn’t it! Very, very clever McAfee, but I’m on to you!

  12. Timothy Gray says:

    You have been selected to play Christian Grey in the 50 shades movie but have decided that he needs to be undead and wreak havoc on the north west

  13. David Biondi says:

    David is giving up writing and taking up a new career teaching dance at a summer camp in the Catskill mountains. While there he meets a lovely young lady named Frances. She is immediately enamored with David’s bad boy style and dance skills. Over the summer the grow closer through dancing and end up having the time of their lives. Oh and David never let ANYONE put baby in the corner.

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