I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for everything you have done, both for me and for the Democratic party. I am sure you know how low my current approval rating is, and how hard we Democrats have been trying to counteract the public backlash over the lack of Hope and Change my administration has brought. We have worked our tails off trying to convince the public that raising the debt ceiling is beneficial to the nation, and we have been trying to get the American People to believe that the country is stronger than ever even as it sinks deeper and deeper into the red.
And don’t get me started on gas prices. Did you know that the President actually doesn’t have any control over that? Yeah, we blamed it on Bush, but it turns out gas prices are based on free markets and the perception of value. Yeah. Really. Washington doesn’t have any power over it at all. I’d apologize to Bush for misleading the American people, but we might need that trick again in the future.
Anyway, we’ve been having a real dilly of a time coming up with reasons for Americans to vote for me again. We even invented this thing called a “Republican War on Women” to scare people into thinking that all Republicans are trying to go back to the days when women were property and couldn’t vote. I know it’s ridiculous, but we were desperate. We needed something to scare people over to our side again. Unfortunately, the only people who were actually buying that crap were the extreme feminists and the diehard leftists, as well as a handful of loyal Democrats who never bother to look for opposing viewpoints or listen to anything that isn’t sanctioned by the Democratic National Committee.
Things were looking bleak. At one point, my approval rating even dipped below that of my predecessor, Republican President G.W. Bush. But then you came out and called Sandra Fluke a slut on national television. Oh, man, I could have kissed you for that. Now everyone is up in arms, calling you a misogynist and smearing that label over every Republican on the planet. Yes, yes, I know the Left has been pushing that idea all along, but you really gave it a boost with your comments, and now no one remembers that Clinton cheated on his wife and got a blowjob from an intern in the Oval Office, or that he exercised his own brand of misogyny when he stuck a cigar up the woman’s twat, or that he was sued numerous times for sexual harassment. And Bill Maher calling Sarah Palin a cunt and a twat and saying she had a poor Chinese family living in her cunt-hole? No one even thinks about that anymore.
Nope. Thanks to you, the only party the American People associate with hating women now is the Republican Party. You just won the reelection in November for me, and we both know it was starting to look kinda iffy. So thanks, Rush. Thanks for the solid. I hope someday I can repay the favor. Not right now, of course. Like the rest of the country, I don’t want to be associated with you on any level. But in 2016, when my reign is over, expect a nice bouquet in the mail.
P.S. The bouquet is going to come Postage Due. Hope that’s okay.”
Okay, folks. The above letter is strictly satire, but I did want to say that Barak Obama should really consider thanking Limbaugh for his stupid comments. As a moderate Republican myself, I don’t like Obama or his politics, but I took some comfort in the knowledge that I was not alone. Obama’s appproval rating really was low. Lower even than Bush’s at one point. But now everyone is up in arms not just against Limbaugh but against the entire Rupublican party. He has added fuel to the idea that Republicans want to go back to being a society ruled by White men, while Blacks and women are second-class citizens.
As a Republican, I can promise you that I want nothing of the sort. I just want to work and go about my life with as little drama as possible. That’s all. In my opinion, the Republican party is the one that is more interested in protecting my rights to do so. That’s not to say I agree with everything the Republicans do, which is why I consider myself a “moderate” Republican. I can’t figure out why they are opposed to gay marriage or why they want to keep pot and other drugs illegal. (Really, both those things bafffle me!), but by and large, I agree with more of their ideals than I do the Democrats, especially the hardcore leftists, who seem determined to take the things I have worked hard for and give them to someone else.
But I digress. this post is already far too political for my tastes, and it’s already starting to make me think twice about posting it. Isn’t that weird? Here in the USA we are supposed to have Freedom of Speech and the right to our opinions, and yet I am more nervous about posting this than I have ever been about posting anything. Go figure. I guess Dilbert creator Scott Addams was right when he said the one thing he has learned about Freedom of Speech is that you really ought to keep that sort of thing to yourself.
Oh, well. Time to hit POST before I chicken out. Bring on the flames, folks. I need a tan, anyway.
P.S. – Just for the record, I can’t stand Rush Limbaugh. He is everything I don’t like about the republican Party, and he reinforces every negative stereotype about us. In short, I think he’s a douche.