Dear Rush, Thanks a Million. Sincerely, Barak Obama

Posted: March 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

“Dear Rush,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for everything you have done, both for me and for the Democratic party. I am sure you know how low my current approval rating is, and how hard we Democrats have been trying to counteract the public backlash over the lack of Hope and Change my administration has brought. We have worked our tails off trying to convince the public that raising the debt ceiling is beneficial to the nation, and we have been trying to get the American People to believe that the country is stronger than ever even as it sinks deeper and deeper into the red.

And don’t get me started on gas prices. Did you know that the President actually doesn’t have any control over that? Yeah, we blamed it on Bush, but it turns out gas prices are based on free markets and the perception of value. Yeah. Really. Washington doesn’t have any power over it at all. I’d apologize to Bush for misleading the American people, but we might need that trick again in the future.

Anyway, we’ve been having a real dilly of a time coming up with reasons for Americans to vote for me again. We even invented this thing called a “Republican War on Women” to scare people into thinking that all Republicans are trying to go back to the days when women were property and couldn’t vote. I know it’s ridiculous, but we were desperate. We needed something to scare people over to our side again. Unfortunately, the only people who were actually buying that crap were the extreme feminists and the diehard leftists, as well as a handful of loyal Democrats who never bother to look for opposing viewpoints or listen to anything that isn’t sanctioned by the Democratic National Committee.

Things were looking bleak. At one point, my approval rating even dipped below that of my predecessor, Republican President G.W. Bush. But then you came out and called Sandra Fluke a slut on national television. Oh, man, I could have kissed you for that. Now everyone is up in arms, calling you a misogynist and smearing that label over every Republican on the planet. Yes, yes, I know the Left has been pushing that idea all along, but you really gave it a boost with your comments, and now no one remembers that Clinton cheated on his wife and got a blowjob from an intern in the Oval Office, or that he exercised his own brand of misogyny when he stuck a cigar up the woman’s twat, or that he was sued numerous times for sexual harassment. And Bill Maher calling Sarah Palin a cunt and a twat and saying she had a poor Chinese family living in her cunt-hole? No one even thinks about that anymore.

Nope. Thanks to you, the only party the American People associate with hating women now is the Republican Party. You just won the reelection in November for me, and we both know it was starting to look kinda iffy. So thanks, Rush. Thanks for the solid. I hope someday I can repay the favor. Not right now, of course. Like the rest of the country, I don’t want to be associated with you on any level. But in 2016, when my reign is over, expect a nice bouquet in the mail.

Sincerely,
Barack Obama

P.S. The bouquet is going to come Postage Due. Hope that’s okay.”

Okay, folks. The above letter is strictly satire, but I did want to say that Barak Obama should really consider thanking Limbaugh for his stupid comments. As a moderate Republican myself, I don’t like Obama or his politics, but I took some comfort in the knowledge that I was not alone. Obama’s appproval rating really was low. Lower even than Bush’s at one point. But now everyone is up in arms not just against Limbaugh but against the entire Rupublican party. He has added fuel to the idea that Republicans want to go back to being a society ruled by White men, while Blacks and women are second-class citizens.

As a Republican, I can promise you that I want nothing of the sort. I just want to work and go about my life with as little drama as possible. That’s all. In my opinion, the Republican party is the one that is more interested in protecting my rights to do so. That’s not to say I agree with everything the Republicans do, which is why I consider myself a “moderate” Republican. I can’t figure out why they are opposed to gay marriage or why they want to keep pot and other drugs illegal. (Really, both those things bafffle me!), but by and large, I agree with more of their ideals than I do the Democrats, especially the hardcore leftists, who seem determined to take the things I have worked hard for and give them to someone else.

But I digress. this post is already far too political for my tastes, and it’s already starting to make me think twice about posting it. Isn’t that weird? Here in the USA we are supposed to have Freedom of Speech and the right to our opinions, and yet I am more nervous about posting this than I have ever been about posting anything. Go figure. I guess Dilbert creator Scott Addams was right when he said the one thing he has learned about Freedom of Speech is that you really ought to keep that sort of thing to yourself.

Oh, well. Time to hit POST before I chicken out. Bring on the flames, folks. I need a tan, anyway.

–David

P.S. – Just for the record, I can’t stand Rush Limbaugh. He is everything I don’t like about the republican Party, and he reinforces every negative stereotype about us. In short, I think he’s a douche.

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Comments
  1. Brendan Carroll says:

    Bravo and well said, Young McAfee, Fellow Texan! I am in absolute agreement with your letter and wish (hope) that the POTUS reads it. I’ve also been reticent about posting my opinions lately and I’ve asked myself the same question as you. I thought we had freedom of speech. And as far as I know, we do. This double standard thing is making me pissed enough to speak out regardless of who sees it.

    Thanks, man!

  2. Agree with some others on your FB post of this… check out http://www.lp.org, you might find your new home 😉 I also happen to have some friends in LP-TN if you’d like to talk to someone who is aware of both National and local issues in your area.

  3. A Current Fan says:

    Why do you think that Rush Limbaugh represents the Republican Party? I don’t think that Bill Maher represents the Democratic Party (and don’t give me that “he’s just an entertainer” bullshit because his entire show is wrapped around politics, just like Rush’s is). This is so much foolishness. If you think people are going to go to the polls to re-elect a man that has put the country into a downward spiral based on one man’s choice of words, you are delusional.

    And a word of advice: as an author, don’t mouth off about politics because you end up insulting half of your audience. I have dropped many favorite authors, singers, actors because they can’t stop telling me the awful things they think about me as a conservative.

    • mcafeeland says:

      I never said Rush represents the Republican party. I would be mortified if that were true and would drop off the Republican Party in a heartbeat if that were the case. What I said was the Democrats are using his words to add fuel to anti-Republican sentiments among the American People. If you don’t believe that, spend a few hours looking through random posts on Facebook and read about the supposed “Republican War On Women.”

      And if you think that Romney or Santorum or whoever wins the Republican nod is going to have a cakewalk to beat Obama, then you are the one who is delusional. The man has a lot more support than you think.

      I rarely talk politics on my blog. Replies like yours are the reason. As a human being, I have the same right to my opinions as everyone else. As an author, I’m supposed to keep a lid on them. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?

      • A Current Fan says:

        It seems to me that your entire tongue-in-cheek letter was about one man’s unfortunate use of words building momentum for the Democrats, as if most of the country’s voters believed that one talking head had that much power. So if Rush did represent the party, you’d go running…where? To the party that relishes calling women worse names?

        Feel free to talk about politics all you want. However, I really don’t understand why entertainers think it’s kosher to mix their jobs with politics. I work with the public but keep my politics to myself because it’s the considerate and professional thing to do on work time. Why writers, singers, and actors think they’re above this kind of professionalism I have never figured out. Who ever said that life was fair?

      • mcafeeland says:

        “Who ever said that life was fair?”

        Who ever said life was professional?

  4. R.J. Keller says:

    As a fellow author (and as a moderate Democrat), please allow me to say that this post is not “mouthing off”. You’re exercising your right as an American citizen to state your opinion, and as a writer to do it in a clever, funny, thought-provoking way. Anyone reading this and dropping you from their list of favorite authors is a pinhead.

  5. Unicorn Sparkle Girl says:

    I realize McAfee can’t really cut lo0se on any of his “fans,” but I am not as worried. Not at all.

    I’m willing to bet 10,000 dollars that Obama is going to be re-elected. The Republican Party is a bifurcated, dead end hydra. So far, only my aunt has been willing to put her money where her Conservative mouth is and she bet m3 $500.00 that Obama will not be re-elected.

    Easiest money I’ve ever made.

    So, technically, I only have 9,500 left to cover future bets, but I doubt I will get anywhere near betting it all. Deep down inside, Republicans know it’s a lost cause. Romney can’t gather together enough money to wage a mud war against the hypocritical Obama.

    Santorum is a joke. Gnewt is a joke to the power of 2.

    As far as Rush, he’s a megalomaniac. He believes his own hype. He’s the Howard Stern at the other end of the radio talking head spectrum. He’s the type of person you meet in the bar and go let the air out of his tires.

    No, it’s better to get ready for four more years of Bush-lite or Obamanation, or whatever you want to call it. The truth is, we are owned by corporations who bribe the country’s governmental bodies via “lobbying.” We all know this, but choose to look the other way.

    What a joke. I pity people who believe we are truly a “representational” society. If you’re EXXON or Walmart or Microsoft or Apple, or whatever, then YES the government is representing you and your goals. Talk about mixing JOBS with POLITICS. WAKE UP, “Current Fan.”

    I don’t think it’s “kosher” (cough) to bash someone on their own blog, be it “entertainer” (huh?) or be it the lowly Gotham City citizen. (As you were, Citizen! – Adam West, Batman)

    Clearly, you are out of your depth and accustomed to navigating waters of lesser fishes that accept your shameless bully tactics.

    I digress.

    Cheering for either candidate is similar to attending a wrestling match and betting on Iron Face instead of Cobra Strike.

    It’s a futile delusion. I DEFY anyone to prove otherwise. Welcome to America.

    You want to make a “difference”? Your best and strongest “voice” is your vote for who is to be on your city council or who runs your fraternal lodge. Better yet, become a poker buddy friend with your local law enforcement officials.

    As long as we have an “electoral college,” your presidential vote is TRULY MEANINGLESS and any misconceptions about your influence in the big picture is a complete and utter waste of time.

    As far as McAfee voicing his opinion, correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s his g**damned blog, you freaky self centered “fan.” I wouldn’t WANT a fan such as you purchasing my ebook. Keep your 2.99. PLEASE! I would rather be ME than to be SILENT for $3.

    If you attacked me liked that on my blog I would hunt you down and impale you with my sparkling spiral horn then stomp on you with my silver dream hooves. Your blue blood would be absorbed into Xanadu.

    While I’m here, I’ve had it up to HERE with the Whitney Houston coverage. It’s making me ILL. Enough already. I would rather weep metaphorical tears for David Jones, not some over projecting crack head who butchered Dolly Parton’s song. I don’t CARE how LOUD and FORCEFUL she resonated her sinus cavities. Hated her voice and I hate this over coverage of her death. What Eddie Murphy thinks. What Oprah thinks. What Kevin Costner thinks.

    SOMEONE SHOOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Meanwhile, I hear zilch about Don Cornelius who was FAR more of an interesting character.

    The world is mad. We’re all mad here.

    Unicorn Girl out.

  6. Barry Gold says:

    David,
    Even though I’m an independent leaning left, I almost totally agree with the satire letter that you wrote. Granted i voted for Obama for one reason only (To keep Palin away from the White House, she’s too scary) and I don’t see eye to eye with him on many of his policies but just like Unicorn Girl above, I do believe that Obama will be re-elected and there will be 4 more years of Republican No’s in the Congress.
    Please keep writing books and I will keep buying and reading them regardless of your politics.
    Barry

    • mcafeeland says:

      Thanks, Barry. I will keep ’em coming.

    • Unicorn Sparkle Girl says:

      While I do believe it is long overdue for a woman to be president, Sarah Palin certainly is a scary choice and I never grasped how she was able to come across as viable in any sense, other than the strong independent woman angle. Perhaps if she were only VP and never made P, it would have been OK with me, but I would not want her to go higher. My politics are admittedly all over the map. If Schwarzenegger were able to run, he would have my full endorsement, the Electoral College’s final say over my vote be damned. In my opinion, Schwarzenegger is not easily “bought” and has a record of surrounding himself with experts. He made some difficult choices for CA, choices that many agree were good for far future goals, but unpopular in the short term. When I’ve voiced my opinion about him, I am usually automatically dismissed and ridiculed, but I honestly believe he would exercise optimal behavior instead of blind party loyalty. i don’t know what to think of Romney. I don’t begrudge his prosperity one bit. I am unclear how he would run the office. We know how Obama has exercised his power and there’s a lot of it that flies in the face of Democrats and Liberals who voted for him. I had two small hopes regarding Obama. He claimed he was going to clamp down on lobbyists, which skew our government. He did not. It’s worse than ever. He claimed he was going to shut down the embarrassing Guantanamo, which to me, was obviously being controlled by the CIA. He did not. If we are going to claim to be a Super Power, we need to exhibit a higher sense of morals and ethics and not let BIG OIL be our sole fulcrum. (I contend most of our ills are due to controlling oil, not terrorism) Guantanamo is ten years old and this really bothers me. While others claim Obama has tried to shut it down, he has not actually done so. He crammed his health care through despite fierce opposition, yet he can’t shut down a detention camp? He claims to be “Commander in Chief.” If so, he should be able to shut it down. Either he is a puppet with ultimately no power or he chooses to not shut it down. One or the other. I was not a big fan of McCain, but I liked his anti-torture stance and I think he would have figured out a way to shut the son of bitch down.

      I got amped up about “Current Fan” for several reasons, but one reason that I did not mention is that Current Fan minimized Rush’s impact and said McAfee was delusional if he thought such and such. ANY public figure with 15 million listeners has power, and that includes power to sway voters. Rush’s tirade about how the woman should make sex videos was just psychologically OFF, even for someone seeking ratings. It was really ODD and creepy.

      His voice alone makes my skin crawl and in what was once Traditional Radio Talk Show Host Rules, he fails right out of the gate by having a bad sounding “voice.” It’s not just confrontational, it’s bombastic. I’m not a Howard Stern fan, but you have to admit, the actual sound of his voice is not a problem.

      It matters not that Rush is technically not a representative of the Republicans. He’s a MAJOR ENDORSER of the Republican Party and he poisoned various wells with his disturbed rant and he can’t put that genii back in the bottle. An apology is just code for “I’m playing the game, but you know how I feel.” He’s just a little shook up by companies pulling their ad spots.

      Thanks a lot, Rush. Thanks heaps, you freaky car salesman Blue Meanie. You ever-so-much-more-so guaranteed Obama re-entering the White House. If “Current Fan” doesn’t acknowledge that measurable “lensing” impact on voters, then whatever.

      If nothing else, I am a realist and I know Rush changed perception at various levels with X amount of voters AND if I am completely wrong, then if nothing else, Rush gave the MEDIA the NECESSARY FUEL to CHANGE PERCEPTION in Obama’s favor. It doesn’t take much. That’s why advertising works so well. Mad Men 101.

      Now if you will excuse me, I have to go watch Celtic Thunder Journey on PBS.

      This will be my final long entry. I’m too sparkly and ethereal to be focusing on politics.

      Unicorn Girl Out.

      • mcafeeland says:

        I agree. The country could use a woman president. I wish Condi Rice would run. I’d vote for her in a heartbeat.

  7. Brenda S says:

    I agree………Condi would be a great president.

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