Well, at least on this blog. You can still enter to win a set of books over on TTC Books And More. While you are there, check out their review of 79 A.D. (Spoiler, they liked it. ;) )

So, since this is the last contest, I needed to make it a little bigger. Now, I can only do so much because I’m a starving artist, but I’ll do what I can to make this last contest a good one. Why? Because you guys rock, that’s why. And because I’m the type of guy who likes it when people rock. Got it? Excellent.

Okay, so first of all, you know by now the basic prize, right? You get signed copies of six of my books. Specifically, you get these six books:

?

Six Awesome Books!

Yep. Those six books. I thought about posting all their titles, along with links to their Amazon pages, but frankly, that’s a pain in the butt. Besides, you guys know the books already, right? Of course you do. Moving on…

In addition to the six books pictured above, I will include a print copy of the Bachiyr Omnibus.

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00041]

Now, not that this is a massive selling point, but the Omnibus is the only way you can get AFTER: Taras and Theron, Beyond Jerusalem in print. (Okay, okay. I know, I posted links to those two, but that’s because I wanted you to know about AFTER, just in case you didn’t. If you already knew about AFTER, then obviously this does not apply to you…so there.) And yes, I posted all those links just to be annoying.

But wait, there’s more! In addition to the six books and the Bachiyr Omnibus, you will also get this:

?

I’m In There Somewhere!

This is a print copy of the Necrotic Tissue “Best Of” Anthology. Some of you may know that Necrotic Tissue was my first published credit. I submitted a short (very short!) 100-word story to them as part of a contest. That story, Cardiac Episode, won first prize in the contest and remained an editorial favorite for the remainder of the horror e-zine’s run. I really miss that publication, but I am still friends with the editor on Facebook.

Okay, so right now you are probably thinking “Wow! That’s a lot of books, David!” Well, you’re right. BUT, there is still one more book I am adding to the prize pile. A very special book. One that holds a soft place in my heart. This one:

?

Ugly Cover, But I Love It, Anyway!

original33B

Back in 2010, when I first started working on self publishing 33 A.D., I took a stab at designing my own cover. I drew some cool illustrations by hand, then painted them in guache, then scanned them. Then I had to fix the f***ing image about eighteen times, and it still never came out right. The result of all that hard work and frustration is the book you see in this image. This is one of the very first hard copies of 33 A.D. to have ever been printed. It was never offered for sale with this cover, and this is the only such copy in existence. There are typos all through it, and the formatting is funky, the fonts are dull and boring, and the cover type is about as attractive as dog poop on the bottom of a pair of new $200 Nikes. For these reasons and many others, I love this copy. With all its flaws and issues, it has remained a prized piece of my bookshelf.

And now, it can be yours. Why? because you guys rock, and I want to make the last contest special. Since I can’t afford to give away a Ferrari, these books will have to do.

So, now that you know what this final prize pack contains, I bet you are wondering how you can win it. Aren’t you? Yes, of course you are. You would not still be reading this otherwise. Well, let me tell you, I had to think long and hard about this one. The six books plus the Omnibus and the Necrotic Tissue issue (ha! Tissue Issue…I kill me…) are great, but that copy of 33 A.D. is gonna hurt to pack up and ship. As such, I thought this contest should be extra difficult. I figured I should really make the winner earn it, you know? So I thought up dozens of fun, yet difficult ways for you to win. The ideas ran the gamut from a cross country wheelbarrow race to an arial duel using a pair of identically prepared Sopwith Camels, like this one:

1280px-Sopwith_F-1_Camel_USAF

But then I realized that I have a grand total of between one and three readers, and making them risk their lives or fight to the death would be very counterproductive, since such a thing would only serve to deplete my readership. As such, all you have to do to win this prize is leave a comment on this post. NOT on Facebook! (Yes, comments left on Goodreads will count.) This contest will run between now and Labor Day, which is September 7th. On that day, I will assign a number to each comment posted (chronologically, of course.) Then I will visit our trusted friend, Random.org, and enter the range. Random will pick the winner, and someone is going to get one of my most prized possessions.

As usual, any comment counts. You can tell me to stick my head up a bull’s arse, and that will still count as an entry. As such, while creativity is not a factor in determining a winner, I would like to encourage you to have fun with this. Post something funny, or silly, or thought-provoking. Make me think. Make me laugh. Make me retch. Or just make me aware that you want the books. ;) Most importantly, have fun! (and..you know…if you wanted to share this contest on social media, that would not hurt my feelings…)

I hope you guys have a good time with this last contest. I’m looking forward to reading what you have to say. Good luck!

–David

P.S. Just so you guys know, Adam Nel is the winner of the previous contest. He knows (I contacted him) but for some reason I forgot to post that news here on the blog.

Yeah, sorry. That song has been stuck in my head for days. I’m going to have to go in with a power drill to get it out. Is it stuck in your head now, too? Excellent! That means my evil plan is worki…er, I mean, uh…sorry.

In any case, what I really, really want is to give away another set of books. By now you guys should know that the prize pack includes signed paperbacks of 33 A.D., 61 A.D., 79 A.D., Saying Goodbye to the Sun, NASTY LITTLE F!#*ERS, and Old Sins. I know, I know. You know that already. See, the thing is, even though I know you know, I have to say it so people who don’t know what you know will now know. Yanno?

So what is this week’s contest going to be? Hmmm…

I explained in a comment last week why I can’t ask you to fight to the death. The same reasoning applies to the rocket-powered cross country skateboard race. Specifically, I don’t want to be liable for anything like that. I’m just a poor, starving artist type. I can’t even afford shoelaces. That’s why I wear flip flops most of the time. That might be a slight exaggeration, but it might not. I’ll let you guys wonder. Meanwhile, check out this pic of my footwear:

F00S2SSFPWWRCIP.LARGE

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I lied, right? You’re thinking those sure look like shoelaces holding those things together. Well, you’re right. But I didn’t buy them. They fell from the sky like manna from heaven. Or, if you don’t believe that, then imagine a story you would believe. Got it in your head? Ok, that’s what happened. Yep. Just like you imagined.

Which brings me to this week’s contest. Tell me something about those soda bottle flip flops. Anything. Tell me they are ugly. Tell me they are awesome. Tell me they fell from the sky like manna…oh, wait…maybe not THAT one. I have copyright to think about, you know.

Make it interesting. Make it funny. Make it scary or dramatic or weird. It doesn’t have to make sense. Whatever you decide to say, say it in the comments. :)

I won’t be using Random.org this time. I’ll pick my favorite from among the comments and that person will win the books. Sound like fun? Of course it does! So have at it, folks! Free *cough, cough* literature is on the line!

–David, King of Flip Flops

And The Winner Is….

Posted: August 3, 2015 in Uncategorized

…going to be very happy in a few minutes when I announce his or her name. ;)

Before I do that, I wanted to post this link to TTC Books And More, where Yours Truly has been selected as the Author of the Month. This means they will be posting reviews, links, and even a contest for more McAfee books. How cool is that? The reason I mention this is because A, it’s cool, and B, if you aren’t today’s winner, you can still go check out the giveaway on TTC Books and More.

See, folks? I’m just giving my stuff away all over the place. I should do a Goodreads giveaway, too. Hmmm…

Okay, so that’s enough stalling. It’s time to announce the winner so I can get to work. So without further ado, tonight’s winner is:

Billy Tillson!

Billy, send me an email at monkeyfeet73(at)yahooDOTcom with your details and I’ll get these out to you ASAP.

The rest of you, don’t fret! I have TWO more sets of these to give away. Plus, as I mentioned, TTC Books and More is giving away an identical set. Yeah, that’s right. If you don’t win here, you can still win over there. So go check them out and see how! Seriously.

As for MY next contest, tune in tomorrow night. :)

Good night, folks!

–David

I know I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I didn’t get a chance. I was working until the wee hours, as usual, but prior to that I had to make an unscheduled trip to the grocery store. Those of you with small children may understand why I chose to go by myself late at night instead of during the day while dragging two temperamental and tiny humans along for the ride, am I right? Yep. I am.

So anyway, here we are, mostly back on schedule, and I have three more signed sets of these to give away:

1781091_939921042725983_5529306514227531548_o

But of course, it’s not just those three books. Included are signed copies of Saying Goodbye to the Sun, NASTY LITTLE F!#*ERS, and Old Sins. I just don’t have pictures of those handy. But they are in there, I promise. You can trust me, right? Would this face lie to you?

1209081132a

Oh, wait…that’s not the picture I meant to post. I meant THIS face:

Author Photo

There. Would that face lie to you? Of course not. This face is far too cool, in a geeky, authorly kind of way, to lie to you guys. And get away with it, anyway.

So, you’re probably wondering why I’m stalling…er…prattling on. It’s because I have not yet figured out this week’s contest. So I am going to have to make up something real quick. Something fun. something entertaining. Something anyone can do…Hmmm…what have we got that we haven’t done in a while…?

Oh! Oh! Fight to the death! You guys pick some weapons, square off, and…and…no? Not worth it? Well, crap. You’re probably right. Ok, what else can we do? Hmmm…

Aha! A cross country skateboard race. You have to ride a rocket powered skateboard from New York to Los Angeles and…and…shoot. You’re not buying that one, either? Well, damn.

All right, then. How about a good old fashioned comment party? You comment on this post, and I will do the Random.org thing again, and BAM! Someone will win six free books. How does that sound? What should you say? Anything! Tell me a joke. Tell me a dirty joke. Post a picture of your dog. Post a picture of your dog taking a picture. Post a poem you wrote in grade school, or a link to a poem about pictures of dogs. Write a post telling me how incredibly handsome I am, or write one calling me a talentless dipshit who probably freebases mayonnaise. I don’t care what you post, just post something! It can be anything you like…within reason, of course. I have a pretty good stomach for tasteless stuff, but let’s not push the limits, ok? Little kids read this blog.

Okay, that’s a lie. No little kids read it. Still, be nice. Relatively speaking.

And for those of you who read the blog on Goodreads: YES, your comments there count. I don’t get into Goodreads much these days, but I get email notifications when you post there. So post away.

All right, so there ya have it. I will announce the winner early next week. Monday, maybe Tuesday. Write some stuff. Have some fun! Win some books! Go! :)

–David

When I announced my contest, I completely forgot that I would be out of town for a week an a half to attend a family reunion. As such, I didn’t pick a winner for the contest when I was supposed to. So I am going to do it right now. Ready? There were eight total comments (One of them was on Goodreads, but it still counts.) I’m going to go load 8 numbers to random.org right now and let it pick one from 1-8…

OK, I’m back. And I have the winner in hand. Are you ready?

Brandy Lambdin, Congratulations! You are my first winner! :) Get in touch with me and we’ll figure out the best way to get these books to you.

The rest of you, don’t fret! I still have three more sets to give away. Watch this space Monday night to learn how to win the next one. :)

–David

More Typos…

Posted: July 12, 2015 in Uncategorized

Damn it. Two more typos. Fixing the digital files is a snap. Fixing the print files?

AAAAAAAUGH!

Just finished fixing all the files, now I have to upload them. At least I am able to do that, though. It would seriously suck if I couldn’t fix it.

It’s Past 2 AM…

Posted: July 9, 2015 in Uncategorized

…yet I’m still up working on this damn print file for the Omnibus. Why? Because when it arrived today, the interior looked like this:

10407620_944249882293099_606141326224147724_n

AAAAUUUUGH! The whole darn book was filled with those weird spacing errors. Every. Single. Page.

So I think it was an embedding error, but I took this as an opportunity to clean up a few other things. Only taken me…um…five hours so far.

Damn.

I need sleep.