Tomorrow Is The Last Day

What? You didn’t win the $640 Million Mega Millions Lottery? Doggone it, neither did I. That’s disappointing. But, as a (very meager) consolation prize, you could still win a lifetime supply of my books.

Tomorrow is the last day to enter My Biggest Contest Ever. You could win free David McAfee books for life! Click here for details. It’s really easy to enter, I promise I won’t make anyone pat their head and rub their tummy at the same time. All you have to do is answer a question via email. As of this moment I am completely caught up on entries. I have replied to every single one. (and it kept me up pretty dang late last night, too!) So if you have not yet sent in your answer, then why not? If you sent in an answer and I replied that it was incorrect, you still have time to try again.

Also, if you are one of the dozen or so people who tried to post their answer in the Comments section of the contest post, please send the answer via email. As noted in the original post, entries posted to the comments section will not be considered. This is because that would give the answer away, not because I am trying to grab everyone’s email, just so you guys know.

In any case, response to the contest has been huge. Much more than I expected. Methinks I owe this to the contest beeing mentioned on Ereader News Today. (Thank you, ENT!) For those of you who have never been there, it’s a fantastic site listing eBook news, value books, even free books, and much more. Go check it out. Here’s the link: Ereader News Today

Remember, I will post the winner of My Biggest Contest Ever on my blog on Saturday, April 7, 2012. Make sure you check back on that day to see if you’ve won.

These Things Make Me Happy…

Things that make me happy:

Walking through my front yard while holding my 14 month old son’s hand.

Kissing my wife, especially after a long day or first thing in the morning.

My daughter’s smile.

Sitting in the living room with the three people I just mentioned and watching Sesame Street on a Saturday morning.

Getting an email from someone who has read my books, especially when they email me to tell me they liked them. (I like it when they email to tell me they hated the book, too…I just like it better when they enjoy it.)

Reading a new positive review on Amazon.

Reconnecting with old friends on Facebook and seeing them again for the first time in decades.

Correct contest entries.

Coming home to people who love me.

…and…

Pushing the pedal to the floor in my 2005 Mustang GT and feeling the whiplash as I accelerate past anything slow or foolish enough to think they can challenge the awesome pony power of…of…of…

Things that make me UNhappy:

Realizing I just sounded like a stupid commercial…

My Biggest Contest Ever!

Well, hi there, peeps! Yeah, that’s right. I said Peeps. I figured it’s close to Easter, right? And since I’m about to announce a sweet contest, well, then maybe it would be okay to mention those little marshmallow candy things that people either love or hate. For the record, I hate them. But, since I love you guys, I’m gonna move on from this whole analogy while I still have your attention.

Today, in celebration of passing 50,000 ebooks sold (a number I never thought I would reach in my lifetime), I am announcing the biggest giveaway I have ever done. Want a hint? take a look at this picture:

That’s a whole lotta David McAfee. Probably too much for people who have better sense. As a bonus, several of the books in the image are collections that feature some other authors, most of whom are far better uses of your time than my puny little work. Anyway, for the two die-hard Mcafee fans who check this space daily, this might be something you are interested in, because the top prize in this contest is free McAfee for life.

Yup.

Every book I have ever published, as well as every book I will ever publish. Until one of us goes on to the Great Library in the Sky. How will I accomplish this? Well, every time I publish a book I will make sure one copy gets reserved for the winner of this contest, even if I have to buy the dang thing myself and ship it. I should probably note that this prize does not include any books from Ghostwriter Publications, for obvious reasons.

The winner will have his or her choice to receive books in print or ebook form. If you choose print, then I can also sign the books. If you choose e-books, well then the wait time will be less. Your call. Please note: Some of my books are only available in ebook form. However, those that are not currently available in print will eventually find their way into a printed anthology, which will then find its way to the winner.

Two second-prize winners will receive a signed print copy of any of my books they choose. (Just one, though, folks.)

So, you are probably wondering what you have to do to enter such a fabulous contest. I don’t blame you, I’d be wondering that myself if I were a rabid McAfee fan. I’m not, of course, but I digress. Anyway, in just a few moments I am going to tell you all the title of the next Bachiyr novel. All you have to do is guess what historical event the story is based around. Yep, that’s it. And it’s not some prissy little thing like a signed treaty for more fruits by Roman Emperor so-and-so. Nope. This is a pretty big event. That and the title are the only hints you are going to get, though.

Once you know the answer, email it to me at monkeyfeet73 (at) yahoo.com between now and April 1st. (No, before you ask, this is not an April Fools joke, either. That would be mean on a level that is simply beyond me.) If your answer is correct, I will email you within 24 hours and let you know your name has been entered into the contest. I will then write your name and email address in a spreadsheet. Only one correct entry will be accepted per person, so once you are in, you need to do nothing else.

If your answer is incorrect, I will email you within 24 hours and let you know it. If this happens to you, please feel free to try again. You can keep trying all the way up until the 4/1/12 deadline. Once all entries have been entered into the spreadsheet, I will visit random.org, and use their random number generator to determine a first place winner and two second place winners.

I will announce the winners here on my blog on 4/7/12.

Since I know I’m forgetting something here, please feel free to use the comments section to ask any questions. But remember, part of the contest is getting the answer correct, so please do not use the Comments section to blurt out the answer. On that note, entries posted in the Comments section will NOT be considered.

Okay. Hopefully I’ve covered everything. So are you ready to learn the title of the next Bachiyr novel? Of course you are. Here it is:

79 A.D.

And there you have it. What’s the book about? The contest begins now! Have at it, folks!

Just A Reminder: Me No Censor

Just wanted to take a moment to remind some of the folks who stop in here from time to time (or to inform those who may be just starting to visit this blog) that it is against my beliefs to censor comments. In the years since this blog began, I have made only one exception, and that was a comment that someone purporting to be Neil M. Jackson left, insinuating that I owe him for my (admittedly moderate) success as an author. I didn’t let that one go through because it was so asinine and so very, very dumb.

NOTE: For those who don’t know, Mr. Jackson is my former “publisher” who basically stole some of my work and never paid me for it. He treated many other authors the same way, and if any of you are considering getting into writing, I urge you to stay away from him and others like him. Read some of the details of that whole mess here.

In any case, what I’m trying to say is this: feel free to say whatever you want in the comments section of my blog. As long as it’s not spam, I am going to let your comments be read. Freedom of Speech applies to everyone. That is and has been my policy since I started McAfee Land. The only reason I bring that up now is because I want people to know that the opinions in the comments are not necessarily similar to mine. In other words, please don’t blame me for things someone else might say on this page. And no, that has not happened yet. I just want to make sure that it doesn’t.

More than anything, I’d love for all three of my readers to get along.

Dear Rush, Thanks a Million. Sincerely, Barak Obama

“Dear Rush,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for everything you have done, both for me and for the Democratic party. I am sure you know how low my current approval rating is, and how hard we Democrats have been trying to counteract the public backlash over the lack of Hope and Change my administration has brought. We have worked our tails off trying to convince the public that raising the debt ceiling is beneficial to the nation, and we have been trying to get the American People to believe that the country is stronger than ever even as it sinks deeper and deeper into the red.

And don’t get me started on gas prices. Did you know that the President actually doesn’t have any control over that? Yeah, we blamed it on Bush, but it turns out gas prices are based on free markets and the perception of value. Yeah. Really. Washington doesn’t have any power over it at all. I’d apologize to Bush for misleading the American people, but we might need that trick again in the future.

Anyway, we’ve been having a real dilly of a time coming up with reasons for Americans to vote for me again. We even invented this thing called a “Republican War on Women” to scare people into thinking that all Republicans are trying to go back to the days when women were property and couldn’t vote. I know it’s ridiculous, but we were desperate. We needed something to scare people over to our side again. Unfortunately, the only people who were actually buying that crap were the extreme feminists and the diehard leftists, as well as a handful of loyal Democrats who never bother to look for opposing viewpoints or listen to anything that isn’t sanctioned by the Democratic National Committee.

Things were looking bleak. At one point, my approval rating even dipped below that of my predecessor, Republican President G.W. Bush. But then you came out and called Sandra Fluke a slut on national television. Oh, man, I could have kissed you for that. Now everyone is up in arms, calling you a misogynist and smearing that label over every Republican on the planet. Yes, yes, I know the Left has been pushing that idea all along, but you really gave it a boost with your comments, and now no one remembers that Clinton cheated on his wife and got a blowjob from an intern in the Oval Office, or that he exercised his own brand of misogyny when he stuck a cigar up the woman’s twat, or that he was sued numerous times for sexual harassment. And Bill Maher calling Sarah Palin a cunt and a twat and saying she had a poor Chinese family living in her cunt-hole? No one even thinks about that anymore.

Nope. Thanks to you, the only party the American People associate with hating women now is the Republican Party. You just won the reelection in November for me, and we both know it was starting to look kinda iffy. So thanks, Rush. Thanks for the solid. I hope someday I can repay the favor. Not right now, of course. Like the rest of the country, I don’t want to be associated with you on any level. But in 2016, when my reign is over, expect a nice bouquet in the mail.

Sincerely,
Barack Obama

P.S. The bouquet is going to come Postage Due. Hope that’s okay.”

Okay, folks. The above letter is strictly satire, but I did want to say that Barak Obama should really consider thanking Limbaugh for his stupid comments. As a moderate Republican myself, I don’t like Obama or his politics, but I took some comfort in the knowledge that I was not alone. Obama’s appproval rating really was low. Lower even than Bush’s at one point. But now everyone is up in arms not just against Limbaugh but against the entire Rupublican party. He has added fuel to the idea that Republicans want to go back to being a society ruled by White men, while Blacks and women are second-class citizens.

As a Republican, I can promise you that I want nothing of the sort. I just want to work and go about my life with as little drama as possible. That’s all. In my opinion, the Republican party is the one that is more interested in protecting my rights to do so. That’s not to say I agree with everything the Republicans do, which is why I consider myself a “moderate” Republican. I can’t figure out why they are opposed to gay marriage or why they want to keep pot and other drugs illegal. (Really, both those things bafffle me!), but by and large, I agree with more of their ideals than I do the Democrats, especially the hardcore leftists, who seem determined to take the things I have worked hard for and give them to someone else.

But I digress. this post is already far too political for my tastes, and it’s already starting to make me think twice about posting it. Isn’t that weird? Here in the USA we are supposed to have Freedom of Speech and the right to our opinions, and yet I am more nervous about posting this than I have ever been about posting anything. Go figure. I guess Dilbert creator Scott Addams was right when he said the one thing he has learned about Freedom of Speech is that you really ought to keep that sort of thing to yourself.

Oh, well. Time to hit POST before I chicken out. Bring on the flames, folks. I need a tan, anyway.

–David

P.S. – Just for the record, I can’t stand Rush Limbaugh. He is everything I don’t like about the republican Party, and he reinforces every negative stereotype about us. In short, I think he’s a douche.

Posting A Picture Just for The Heck Of It

My wife took this picture of Cole and me today. (And yes, that statement is grammatically correct, so there!) I had to share it.

Cool, huh?

Sign Google’s Petition

Opposed to SOPA and PIPA? Me, too. I’m not going to detail everything that is wrong with them here, that would take too long. If you haven’t heard of them: A) where have you been? Under a rock? and B) Go look them up. Do it now. I’ll wait.

Okay, you’re back. Good. Did you read about them? Horrified? I hope so. That’s why i’m including this link to Google’s petition. Sign it. Let your government know that you are opposed to this stupidity. I did. I only wish I could sign it eighty more times.